Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
