hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
