Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Panties = found
Randomize
