I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
