Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
