and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
