Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I need a beard to bite.
I love you. Go after that dick
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
