I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
