Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
