you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
