I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
It's shark week go big or go home
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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