I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
