i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
