He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
