how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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