I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Ladies don't puke and tell
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
