i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
