I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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