I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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