it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
