I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
