EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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