Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
