I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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