Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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