Will you blow on my dice?
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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