Duck Duck Cougar?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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