Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
