I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
