Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
