Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
