Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
