i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
