Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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