I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
