She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
