And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
