you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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