Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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