i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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