Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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