I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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