apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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