When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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