we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You're a waste of cheezeits
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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