A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
