I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
