508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
