Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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