honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
