youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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