remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
That accounts for only three of the penises
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
