i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
