We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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