I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
