im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
