Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
