A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
