I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
