I wanna bring you to show and tell
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
