she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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