Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
