I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
