you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
