First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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